Dear Confetti: A Relationship & Advice Column

Where should I start? Let’s begin with a few key questions. Why is throwing away 20 years even an option? Why now? Have you tried any resources to repair the marriage? Does she even have a clue you feel this way?

Marriage can sometimes be a 5K race with no water; however, the more steps you take towards your goal, the more accomplished you feel when you receive the reward. Don’t throw away 20 years because you are bored. Learn to enjoy something new together. Seek professional help. Have structured conversations on hot topics, primarily based on the challenges in the marriage. Issue a warrant for your partner’s love. Determine if you are the problem. Reflect on your own role and discover more ways to connect outside of the home.

Try the “Think Outside of the Box” Challenge with your marriage. This will consist of stepping back from your thoughts and considering your wife’s feelings and emotions after you tell her your plans to end the marriage. What will she suggest? Will she be blindsided by all this? Will she request professional help? How will her mental health be affected? How will your friends and family adapt to the brokenness of the two of you? How will the finances play a part in the divorce? How will your assets be divided?

After you have thought about all of those hard realizations about your possible soon-to-be ex-wife, you need to focus on yourself. What will life look like without the person you said “I do” to 20 years ago? What will this decision do to your mental health? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Are you reacting or responding to the discomfort of the marriage? Do you think divorce is the only option? What happens to your reputation as a newly divorced man? What are your top 5 reasons you are seeking a divorce rather than repairing your relationship? Do you feel you have truly done all you can?

To be fair, most relationships that recognize the problem and start working on it immediately have a greater chance of reconciliation than couples who ride out the storm and see emotional inconsistency rise. In order to restore your marriage, you will need to succumb to all of the reasons why you are so ready to relinquish your duties as a husband.

The title of husband and wife means equal partnership based on mutual respect and shared responsibilities. There is even controversy about the woman taking her husband’s last name. As of 2026, approximately 79% of women took their husbands’ last name, 14% kept their maiden names, and 5% hyphenated their names. In 2016, 30% of married women kept their maiden names. It appears more women are feeling comfortable taking their husbands’ last name. Are you ready to see your wife convert back to her maiden name due to unresolved marital challenges that could have been fixed with the proper resources and effort from both of you?

If you are truly ready to leave your 20-year marriage, wait until after the anniversary. If you tell her beforehand, it will ruin what could be a beautiful experience and possibly serve as a reminder that your marriage is worth keeping. If you tell her afterward, at least you can have your running shoes next to the door once you’ve admitted your feelings. But, before you lace them up, make sure you have done the work. Twenty years deserve more than a sprint to the exit.

~ Confetti

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